just come out here and I will go home with you...
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
