either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
