tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
