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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  obviously you're part succubus.

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• (315): View more from New York

  So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.

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• (818): View more from California

  Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.

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• (714): View more from California

  Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST

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• (561): View more from Florida

  No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.

  (917): View more from New York City

  That's how he does EVERYTHING!

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME

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