Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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