I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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