so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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