I wannas sexs uuuuu
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
