your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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