is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
