I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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