I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
