i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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