she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
