he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
my shit smells like andre
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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