gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
