Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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