Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
