I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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