This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
BRING THE BAGELS
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
