she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
