proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Randomize