Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
