Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
