After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
