Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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