Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
