you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
