i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
