Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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