ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
