im drinking this country out of the recession.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
