9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I love having hate sex.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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