You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize