Kiss
Puke
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize