you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
