I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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