I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize