I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My dad is sitting where you rode me
is it fun? or sober?
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