ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
