So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
