Pappa wants mamma naked
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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