You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
