dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
