I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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