so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize