You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
