Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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