At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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