you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
