I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
