Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
