I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
