is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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