Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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