just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
