i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i love accidental penises.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My vagina is officially offended.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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