You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
