goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
