I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize