So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
