yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
