she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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