That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
