Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
