Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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