And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
