So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
