How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
