Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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