I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
