just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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