got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
