Pappa wants mamma naked
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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