his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
