would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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