Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
