Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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