it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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