The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
