You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
