I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
it's great music for shaving your balls
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
