Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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