I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
