You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Randomize